University - Fake Smiles
I dried my cheeks with a tissue for the third time, but it was no use as another tear would trickle out of my bloodshot eyes. I gave up and put some make up on. I wanted to look perfect for his big day, but it was impossible. I took one last look in the mirror at my velvet dress and tested my fake smile. Nobody would notice the difference. Soon this day would be over and eventually the pain would fade. There was a knock on the door and I opened it with the smile to see my friend.
"Come on then, we're going to be late. You can't miss your best friend's wedding now, can you?" I giggled nervously and stepped into her silver car.
"You look a bit pale... are you ok?" she asked, a look of concern on her face.
"I'm just really... really..." I burst into tears and she pulled over at the side of the road.
"Come on, let's get you some fresh air," she took my hand and we sat on a bench together down the road.
"I think I love him, ... I just can't lose him. I just don't think I could live without him," she frowned and then hugged me tightly.
"Oh ... you should have said... how long have you felt this way?"
"Oh I don't know... 12,13 years?" I burst into tears again. Images of his smile was flashing in my head, and then it would fade to him... and her.
"That long? Oh ... I don't know what to say... You've got to be brave, for today, okay? We can't really do anything about it on his wedding day. Be brave for him. If you love him, you'll want him to be happy, right?" I nodded slowly as she dabbed my face with a tissue and we got back into the car. "We can leave early if you want. We'll say your feeling ill."
"No. I'm going to do this, for him." I forced the tears to stop and put my fake smile back on.
"I don't know how you do it, . You're so brave," she smiled at me and I did my smile back as we pulled into the car park across from the church. I could see him getting out of the car with his 3 friend's in a suit too big for him and his hair flopping down into his eyes. It was wierd seeing him all smart. When I was little, I always thought that the only day I'd see him smartened up would be when I was the one wearing the white dress. Not her. He spotted me getting out of the car, and I could feel his gaze holding on me.
", are you even listening to me? This is your last hour or so of freedom! You can't go all gushy on me now!" was waving his hand infront of his face. I turned to look at him. He smiled and waved, and I did the same. I could feel the tears welling in the bottom of my eyes so I turned quickly, so he didn't see.
"Woah. What's happened to ? She looks... amazing!" checked her out, and slapped him on the arm.
"Hey, quit it. That's my best friend you're looking at!" as the three of them looked at him strangely.
"He's just a bit tense..." whispered into 's ear.
"I heard that!" turned around warning them with a fist.
grabbed my hand and, although I was struggling, lead me to .
"Hey ! It's your big day! Are you nervous?" grinned at him.
"Errrr... yeah I guess..." he caught my eye as I looked up from looking at my shoes, "I just never thought I'd see the day when I'd see wear a dress!" he grinned but it faded into the same concerned face as , "Are you ok ? You look like you've been crying or something"
"Oh... I'm just feeling a bit poorly. I've probably caught that bug that's going around" I tried my best for my voice to sound cheerful, but I failed badly and it came out as a quiet mumble.
"Come on, we'll go for a little walk around the gardens behind the church," he took my hand as butterflys fluttered around in my stomach. He'd never held my hand before. We'd always made fake puking noises behind people who held hands in public, like little kids. He lead me down to the very end of the garden to a bench in a little cove and gestured for me to sit next to him. It was beautiful, and flowers surrounded us, all the colours of the rainbow.
", your the only person who I'm going to talk about this to. It's because I know you'll understand and you've been my best friend ever since we were 4 years old. The thing is... I'm not sure about this whole... marriage thing. I didn't really want to get married just yet. You know better than anyone how I'm still just a big kid. I want to live my life and I don't feel ready to be in a family just yet, well not with someone I've just met. But I guess it's too late, and I'm just gonna have to deal with it," he looked up into my eyes from where he'd been staring at the grass infront of us.
"Well, why did you propose to her, ? I was a bit surprised when you did it, I thought you'd want to live life to the full, and not go and get married when your 23," I looked deep into his eyes and could feel tears forming again in mine. He bit his lip nervously and surprisingly burst out crying himself, grabbing me into a hug. I'd never seen cry before. His whole body shuck violently, and it made me cry into his chest.
"She forced me, there I said it. I've been wanting to tell someone for the past two years. She threatens me constantly. I guess I'm just a big wuss and fall into her trap everytime. It's my fault, and it looks like now I have to pay. I have to stay with her for the rest of my life. Or maybe I'm just being selfish, wanting to be with some sort of beautiful girl like you." I froze. Did he just say like me? I was probably imagining it, but I got hold of him and held him at arms length. It was now or never.
"Did you just say... like me?" He nodded, silently shaking. I knew what I had to do, "Stay right here. If you see anyone coming, hide in that bush over there, ok?"
"Where are you going?" he cried as I stood up and ran.
"I'm going to sort this out, , don't worry I'm not leaving you." I ran back to where all the families were gathered around the bride, . She didn't look so bothered about where was, but she'd brought some paparrazzi with her and was pouting to the camera with her engagement ring up to the camera. I spotted who was chatting with . She'd always liked him, and they looked perfect together... I shook my head violently, getting back to reality and asked for the car keys. I told her had said that I could go cause I was ill. She hesitated but handed me the car keys and I ran back to , holding my dress up so I didn't trip over. He was still sat on the bench, trying to clear himself up, and wiping his eyes and nose with his sleeve like a little kid. I took his hand and lead him to a hole in the hedge.
"Come on, we're leaving. 's up there busy with the paparrazzi so she won't notice," I told him, pulling him up off the bench. He laughed as we tried to push ourselves through the hole in the hedge.
"I feel like we're kids again, running away from a boring wedding," he sounded wierd. It gave me a flashback to before he met Emily when we were together everyday, messing about at each other's houses. He sounded like his old self again. The one I fell in love with all that time ago. We finally got to the other side and into the car park when stopped.
"Where are you taking me?" he asked me looking at me with the car keys in my hand.
"I was planning on taking you to your house and then mine to pick up some stuff and then go to the airport. We need to get away from here before the news people start attacking you with questions why you never showed up to the wedding," I unlocked the car and was about to get inside.
"Can I drive?" I agreed and I got into the passenger seat.
", you've gone past both our houses, are you sure you know where you're going?" Maybe he was still a bit shaken up by it all. I looked at him as he nodded, as he turned into the entrance of a car park to Leonard Park. What was he playing at?
"Follow me," he answered and took my hand again. We walked through the woods of where we used to play hide and seek when our mum's used to bring us here for the day as a treat. He took me to a log what we used to sit on and talk about gibberish when we were bored.
"When you went, I realised that even if I ran away from this, I'd still be engaged to . I couldn't walk away from this forever, I have my bandmates and I can't just leave them all. The media will spot me somewhere and news will get out and she'll come and find me and do God knows what to me. So while you were finding , I told her how I felt while someone was filming. She couldn't have a go at me cause that would reck her whole career, so I took her engagement ring and left her crying," he took the diamond ring out of his trouser pocket, "I want to give this ring to someone I really do love. , will you marry me? I promise I won't run away from you on our wedding day." we both smiled, but they weren't fake smiles, they were real.
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Copyright Hannah 2007-2011
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